mericlecure (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mericlecure) wrote2011-09-22 05:34 pm
mericlecure) wrote2011-09-22 05:34 pm
Entry tags:
Born On A Rotten Day::Astrology
Note: I use these more as inspiration for characterization -- regardless of actual birthdays -- than evaluations of others' Sun Signs. Please don't take offense. These are excerpts from Born On A Rotten Day by Hazel Dixon-Cooper.
ARIES
In Aries, Mars gives courage, determination, energy, passion, and ambition. He also bestows temperament, ego, and impulsive action. Just like Yosemite Sam, the typical Ram barrels through life daring anyone to cross his or her path. Be unlucky enough to get in the way, and you'll suffer a red-faced temper tantrum. Jumping up and down is optional. The worst thing you can do to an Aries is ignore them, the way you would ignore a cranky toddler who's in dire need of a nap.
Aries are reactive, not reasonable. By refusing to think before they act, Rams often ruin their chances for happiness by making wild assumptions without gathering all the facts. Being born without the humility gene has negated their ability to admit mistakes. Argue with one, and you'll suffer a barrage of irrational, angry shouting. Prove they are wrong, and they will react like that toddler who says, "Am not," then shrugs his baby shoulders and walks away.
TAURUS
Mention taurus, and most people conjure up a mental image of sagittarius munroe leaf's ferdinand the bull, peacefully chewing sweet grass and batting his big bovine eyes in placid contentment. lean across the fence and he'll let you scratch behind his ears. climb over that fence and attempt to pick a few of the daisies growing in his pasture, and you'll soon discover the dark side of tranquility - raging bull. with practice, you can spot an imminent charge. his or her face darkens visibly as the temper rises. the eyes veil, the jaw juts or sets, ever so slightly. some unconsciously lower the head a bit and look up at you as a real bull does before it charges. depending on how self-controlled yours is, you have from one second to a few minutes to brace yourself.
Venus rules taurus and here, this ancient bad girl bestows an insatiable appetite. bulls can never get enough approval, possessions, food, rest, or sex.
Bulls are emotional, not intellectual. relying on instinct rather than fact, they often fall victim to their own judgmental natures. being born without the seeing-another-person's-point-of-view gene has voided all reason and logic. arguing your case will only enrage them and craze you. prove your point, and taurus will simply blink those big, soulful eyes and look at you as if you were speaking a foreign language.
GEMINI
A critical rule is not to confuse gemini duality with the dual nature of pisces. fish swim against one another, which makes pisces its own worst enemy. gemini twins always stand side by side, egging each other on, giving you all kinds of crap. they are crafty versus intellectual, fast-talking con artists versus true philosophers. a twin's idea of success is to be on the a-list of every big shot in town. they love to stand around at cocktail parties and play the name dropping game. telling one that you know paul mccartney's hair stylist will ensure you a place at his or her side at dinner.
Gemini is headstrong, not independent. they skim through life. twins demand freedom, but it's the freedom of a teenager. they are too busy rebelling to listen to any other point of view. being born without the objective-assessment gene has voided the ability to see any other option but theirs as valid. argue with one, and suffer an interrogation that could make a trained spy crumble. win your case and gemini will say, "that's just what i was trying to tell you!"
CANCER
All water signs are sensitive, but cancer wallows in emotional turmoil. the moon rules cancer, and pulls on the emotional structure of the crab in the same manner as it causes the tides to rise and fall, but speeds up the process. their moods change hourly. crabs can laugh, sob, sulk, joke, retreat, attack, and complain all within a twenty-four hour period. remember that when you feel the need to rescue one. you could go to bed with betty crocker and wake up with lizzie borden.
Most are pathologically shy in public. occasionally, you'll find one in the closet at home, hugging a box of emergency junk food rations, reading an earthquake preparedness manual. they are jumpy. sudden movements panic them and most are afraid of crickets, frogs, grasshoppers, and the easter bunny. they have been known to run themselves to exhaustion trying to flee their own shadows.
Cancers are touchy, not logical. by taking offense at the first sign of disagreement, they walk through life with an everyone's-out-to-get-me attitude. being born without the rational-thinking gene clouds their ability to look at themselves objectively. argue with one, and she will scuttle under the nearest rock to avoid conflict. but, be warned: they are not defeated, just plotting their next maneuver. let down your guard and you may lose a toe.
LEO
The sun rules leo, and just as it is the center of our universe, the lion considers him- or herself the center of yours. they expect outright worship, but will settle for reverent deference to their place as supreme ruler. leos are either loud, brash, and pushy or quiet, dignified, and crafty. don't mistake quiet for shy. there are no shy lions.
Leos are theatrical, not practical. their constant need for attention often negates their playful, happy natures. and when they lose contact with that part of themselves, they become selfish tyrants roaring through life creating misery. being born with the instant-gratification gene overshadows any ability to understand the value of nurturing an idea or a relationship. argue with one, and they'll roar with indignant fury. win your argument, and the lion will silently stare at you, then retreat into the shadows to plan its next attack.
VIRGO
Virgo is ruled by mercury, the same breezy character that rules pesky gemini. however, in virgo, mercury's mischievous, lighthearted nature is trapped in earth, where it becomes critical and irritable. virgos would like to be as unstructured as cousin gemini, but their feet are stuck firmly in the ground. virgins sweat the small stuff. these folks are compelled to heal the sick, save the sinful, and correct everyone else's spelling. they dispense unsolicited advice with all the authority of a second-grade teacher, with about as much insight.
Virgos are deliberate, not spontaneous. they are so busy trying to perfect everyone else that they have lost sight of their own flawed natures. of all the signs, virgo is the least likely to admit a mistake. born with the nothing's-ever-good-enough gene has made them unable to relax and enjoy life's surprises. bring your lunch, and dinner, if you dare to argue with one, because they will never admit they are wrong. prove a virgin wrong and he, or she, will say, â€oh, i didn't realize that. well that changes the whole perspective now, if you had only explained that to me at the beginning.
LIBRA
Libra is ruled by the bad-girl goddess, venus. in taurus, venus bestows a greedy nature that craves possessions. in libra, she bestows and endless hunger for perfection. libras are never satisfied, with either themselves or you. being one of the bossy cardinal signs, libras view dissent as a personal affront. they pout if you change the radio station. libra's idea of peace and harmony is your total agreement with their philosophy of the moment.
Have some fun by telling yours that his or her horoscope disagrees with the fortune cookie they just read to you. that should send either gender straight for the aspirin and a cold washcloth.
Libras are subjective, not judicious. their skewed sense of justice distorts their ability to accept any argument or opinion other than their own. being born without the justice-is-blind gene has rendered them unable to remain truly impartial. argue with one, and suffer a sudden explosion of rage. prove your point, and vacillating libra may verbally agree. silently, he or she will never forgive you for being right.
SCORPIO
Scorpio has two ruling planets. mars, the god of conflict and aggression, bestows a primed, suspicious character. that friendly surface is separated from a boiling miasma of emotion by only a couple of layers of very thin skin. pluto, the god of extremes, instills an unmatched instinct for survival. wooden stakes, holy water, or a stretch in the pen, nothing can harm scorpio but scorpio itself.
Scorpio's favorite game is kangaroo court. they subscribe to the salem witch trial version of justice. die and you're innocent. live and you're guilty. feel free to ignore yours as you would a petulant teenager. he or she will bite his or her own foot awhile, then curl up in the nearest dark corner and go to sleep.
Scorpios are extreme, not rational. they view life as either black or white and rarely compromise. being born with the all-or-nothing gene has voided their ability to form lasting relationships with anyone who refuses to submit to their control. argue with one, and suffer a verbal beating that makes you wish they had slugged you instead. prove your point, and they will give themselves an ulcer trying to get even.
SAGITTARIUS
Jupiter, supreme god of the universe, rules sagittarius, and here this over-the-top jolly joker bestows a restless nature and extravagant personality. both sexes think they know everything and spend their time trying to educate the rest of us.
They don't do subtle. archers have outrageous horse laughs, louder than the din of times square on new year's eve, and a court-jester smile. prod beneath that slapstick grin and you'll release a ton of repressed fury. all of that suppressed rage is why sagittarius makes the world's best serial killer. like one of jupiter's thunderbolts, an archer's anger is both unpredictable and finished as soon as it cracks through the air to deafen you. luckily, your average sadge blows his, or her, top infrequently and instead of physical violence, prefers to put a fist through the door or shout vile epithets about your family heritage.
Archers are passionate, not stable. by chasing whatever attracts them at the moment, they often fall victim to their own penchant for vicarious thrills. being born with the greener-pastures gene has skewed their perspective of long-term stability versus short-term sensation. argue, and you'll suffer a lecture that will make your ears bleed. try to prove your point, and you'll be left talking to yourself because your centaur will have already jumped to the nearest fence in search of fresh clover.
CAPRICORN
Saturn rules capricorn, and here, this ancient curmudgeon bestows a dogmatic, no-nonsense personality. goats don't have lives; they have careers. these creatures are born with the same monomaniacal drive as the goat half of their symbol to be king of the mountain. the fishtail half signifies their emotional nature. this isn't soppy sentiment like a water sign. it's a wet-blanket tendency to smother any feelings that surface. goats regard emotionalism like slugs regard salt.
What they love is to recite the tale of how they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps tow whatever position they currently hold. of course, the fact that they were in the gutter and are now flipping hamburgers at the bus station is of no consequence. the pinnacle of a goat's success is totally subjective.
Capricorn is serious, not spontaneous. by ignoring their need for emotional satisfaction, goats often lose sight of life's intangible wealth in favor of its material goods. being born with the is-that-all-there-is gene frustrates and depresses them because after success comes the realization that life is meaningless without joy. argue if you dare. capricorns don't like to lose and will keep coming back for more until they triumph or you throw up your hands in surrender. prove one wrong and expect a midnight phone call stating another counterpoint.
AQUARIUS
Next to scorpio, more aquarians check in and out of the local nut farm than any other sign. personality disorder was coined for the aquarian head case.
Aquarius is dual-ruled by uranus and saturn. uranus, the planet of abrupt change, brings revolution. saturn, the planet of dogma and repression, indicates the status quo. in aquarius these two heavy hitters create an unpredictable personality torn between creating change and craving security. water bearers try to force the world to change around them in order to create an illusion of nonconformity. in reality, they fear change.
Aquarians are aloof, not passionate. this is because they fear that introspection will reveal that they really don't have all the answers. aquarians chase the future instead of living in the present. being born without the self-analysis gene has created a schism between having a keen judgment about others but little understanding of themselves. disagree with the aquarian version of truth, and risk never seeing them again. prove that they are as self deluded as the rest of us, and they will shatter like the thinnest glass.
PISCES
Neptune, the god of illusion, rules pisces and bestows a naive, escapist personality. fish walk through life with tunnel vision and a pair of blinders for good measure. every action is filtered through the pisces version of cheesecloth. any nasty lumps of truth are simply caught and disposed of. this makes pisces loser-magnets. they smell like free lunch and gas money. fish get dumped on more than any other sign. but that's ok with them because it's the only time anyone notices them. they tolerate everything, because they can't figure out how to do anything about it.
Fish are resistant, not realistic. the fear of change grounds pisces. it negates their creativity and ability to follow their dreams to a successful conclusion. pisces prefer the status quo, even if it's detrimental, to risking the unknown. being born without the i-deserve-it gene has left them at the mercy of their own escapist nature. argue your point and the fish slips into a state of rote agreement. prove your argument and pisces simply retreats into a convenient world of fantasy.
In Aries, Mars gives courage, determination, energy, passion, and ambition. He also bestows temperament, ego, and impulsive action. Just like Yosemite Sam, the typical Ram barrels through life daring anyone to cross his or her path. Be unlucky enough to get in the way, and you'll suffer a red-faced temper tantrum. Jumping up and down is optional. The worst thing you can do to an Aries is ignore them, the way you would ignore a cranky toddler who's in dire need of a nap.
Aries are reactive, not reasonable. By refusing to think before they act, Rams often ruin their chances for happiness by making wild assumptions without gathering all the facts. Being born without the humility gene has negated their ability to admit mistakes. Argue with one, and you'll suffer a barrage of irrational, angry shouting. Prove they are wrong, and they will react like that toddler who says, "Am not," then shrugs his baby shoulders and walks away.
||TOP||
TAURUS
Mention taurus, and most people conjure up a mental image of sagittarius munroe leaf's ferdinand the bull, peacefully chewing sweet grass and batting his big bovine eyes in placid contentment. lean across the fence and he'll let you scratch behind his ears. climb over that fence and attempt to pick a few of the daisies growing in his pasture, and you'll soon discover the dark side of tranquility - raging bull. with practice, you can spot an imminent charge. his or her face darkens visibly as the temper rises. the eyes veil, the jaw juts or sets, ever so slightly. some unconsciously lower the head a bit and look up at you as a real bull does before it charges. depending on how self-controlled yours is, you have from one second to a few minutes to brace yourself.
Venus rules taurus and here, this ancient bad girl bestows an insatiable appetite. bulls can never get enough approval, possessions, food, rest, or sex.
Bulls are emotional, not intellectual. relying on instinct rather than fact, they often fall victim to their own judgmental natures. being born without the seeing-another-person's-point-of-view gene has voided all reason and logic. arguing your case will only enrage them and craze you. prove your point, and taurus will simply blink those big, soulful eyes and look at you as if you were speaking a foreign language.
||TOP||
GEMINI
A critical rule is not to confuse gemini duality with the dual nature of pisces. fish swim against one another, which makes pisces its own worst enemy. gemini twins always stand side by side, egging each other on, giving you all kinds of crap. they are crafty versus intellectual, fast-talking con artists versus true philosophers. a twin's idea of success is to be on the a-list of every big shot in town. they love to stand around at cocktail parties and play the name dropping game. telling one that you know paul mccartney's hair stylist will ensure you a place at his or her side at dinner.
Gemini is headstrong, not independent. they skim through life. twins demand freedom, but it's the freedom of a teenager. they are too busy rebelling to listen to any other point of view. being born without the objective-assessment gene has voided the ability to see any other option but theirs as valid. argue with one, and suffer an interrogation that could make a trained spy crumble. win your case and gemini will say, "that's just what i was trying to tell you!"
||TOP||
CANCER
All water signs are sensitive, but cancer wallows in emotional turmoil. the moon rules cancer, and pulls on the emotional structure of the crab in the same manner as it causes the tides to rise and fall, but speeds up the process. their moods change hourly. crabs can laugh, sob, sulk, joke, retreat, attack, and complain all within a twenty-four hour period. remember that when you feel the need to rescue one. you could go to bed with betty crocker and wake up with lizzie borden.
Most are pathologically shy in public. occasionally, you'll find one in the closet at home, hugging a box of emergency junk food rations, reading an earthquake preparedness manual. they are jumpy. sudden movements panic them and most are afraid of crickets, frogs, grasshoppers, and the easter bunny. they have been known to run themselves to exhaustion trying to flee their own shadows.
Cancers are touchy, not logical. by taking offense at the first sign of disagreement, they walk through life with an everyone's-out-to-get-me attitude. being born without the rational-thinking gene clouds their ability to look at themselves objectively. argue with one, and she will scuttle under the nearest rock to avoid conflict. but, be warned: they are not defeated, just plotting their next maneuver. let down your guard and you may lose a toe.
||TOP||
LEO
The sun rules leo, and just as it is the center of our universe, the lion considers him- or herself the center of yours. they expect outright worship, but will settle for reverent deference to their place as supreme ruler. leos are either loud, brash, and pushy or quiet, dignified, and crafty. don't mistake quiet for shy. there are no shy lions.
Leos are theatrical, not practical. their constant need for attention often negates their playful, happy natures. and when they lose contact with that part of themselves, they become selfish tyrants roaring through life creating misery. being born with the instant-gratification gene overshadows any ability to understand the value of nurturing an idea or a relationship. argue with one, and they'll roar with indignant fury. win your argument, and the lion will silently stare at you, then retreat into the shadows to plan its next attack.
||TOP||
VIRGO
Virgo is ruled by mercury, the same breezy character that rules pesky gemini. however, in virgo, mercury's mischievous, lighthearted nature is trapped in earth, where it becomes critical and irritable. virgos would like to be as unstructured as cousin gemini, but their feet are stuck firmly in the ground. virgins sweat the small stuff. these folks are compelled to heal the sick, save the sinful, and correct everyone else's spelling. they dispense unsolicited advice with all the authority of a second-grade teacher, with about as much insight.
Virgos are deliberate, not spontaneous. they are so busy trying to perfect everyone else that they have lost sight of their own flawed natures. of all the signs, virgo is the least likely to admit a mistake. born with the nothing's-ever-good-enough gene has made them unable to relax and enjoy life's surprises. bring your lunch, and dinner, if you dare to argue with one, because they will never admit they are wrong. prove a virgin wrong and he, or she, will say, â€oh, i didn't realize that. well that changes the whole perspective now, if you had only explained that to me at the beginning.
||TOP||
LIBRA
Libra is ruled by the bad-girl goddess, venus. in taurus, venus bestows a greedy nature that craves possessions. in libra, she bestows and endless hunger for perfection. libras are never satisfied, with either themselves or you. being one of the bossy cardinal signs, libras view dissent as a personal affront. they pout if you change the radio station. libra's idea of peace and harmony is your total agreement with their philosophy of the moment.
Have some fun by telling yours that his or her horoscope disagrees with the fortune cookie they just read to you. that should send either gender straight for the aspirin and a cold washcloth.
Libras are subjective, not judicious. their skewed sense of justice distorts their ability to accept any argument or opinion other than their own. being born without the justice-is-blind gene has rendered them unable to remain truly impartial. argue with one, and suffer a sudden explosion of rage. prove your point, and vacillating libra may verbally agree. silently, he or she will never forgive you for being right.
||TOP||
SCORPIO
Scorpio has two ruling planets. mars, the god of conflict and aggression, bestows a primed, suspicious character. that friendly surface is separated from a boiling miasma of emotion by only a couple of layers of very thin skin. pluto, the god of extremes, instills an unmatched instinct for survival. wooden stakes, holy water, or a stretch in the pen, nothing can harm scorpio but scorpio itself.
Scorpio's favorite game is kangaroo court. they subscribe to the salem witch trial version of justice. die and you're innocent. live and you're guilty. feel free to ignore yours as you would a petulant teenager. he or she will bite his or her own foot awhile, then curl up in the nearest dark corner and go to sleep.
Scorpios are extreme, not rational. they view life as either black or white and rarely compromise. being born with the all-or-nothing gene has voided their ability to form lasting relationships with anyone who refuses to submit to their control. argue with one, and suffer a verbal beating that makes you wish they had slugged you instead. prove your point, and they will give themselves an ulcer trying to get even.
||TOP||
SAGITTARIUS
Jupiter, supreme god of the universe, rules sagittarius, and here this over-the-top jolly joker bestows a restless nature and extravagant personality. both sexes think they know everything and spend their time trying to educate the rest of us.
They don't do subtle. archers have outrageous horse laughs, louder than the din of times square on new year's eve, and a court-jester smile. prod beneath that slapstick grin and you'll release a ton of repressed fury. all of that suppressed rage is why sagittarius makes the world's best serial killer. like one of jupiter's thunderbolts, an archer's anger is both unpredictable and finished as soon as it cracks through the air to deafen you. luckily, your average sadge blows his, or her, top infrequently and instead of physical violence, prefers to put a fist through the door or shout vile epithets about your family heritage.
Archers are passionate, not stable. by chasing whatever attracts them at the moment, they often fall victim to their own penchant for vicarious thrills. being born with the greener-pastures gene has skewed their perspective of long-term stability versus short-term sensation. argue, and you'll suffer a lecture that will make your ears bleed. try to prove your point, and you'll be left talking to yourself because your centaur will have already jumped to the nearest fence in search of fresh clover.
||TOP||
CAPRICORN
Saturn rules capricorn, and here, this ancient curmudgeon bestows a dogmatic, no-nonsense personality. goats don't have lives; they have careers. these creatures are born with the same monomaniacal drive as the goat half of their symbol to be king of the mountain. the fishtail half signifies their emotional nature. this isn't soppy sentiment like a water sign. it's a wet-blanket tendency to smother any feelings that surface. goats regard emotionalism like slugs regard salt.
What they love is to recite the tale of how they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps tow whatever position they currently hold. of course, the fact that they were in the gutter and are now flipping hamburgers at the bus station is of no consequence. the pinnacle of a goat's success is totally subjective.
Capricorn is serious, not spontaneous. by ignoring their need for emotional satisfaction, goats often lose sight of life's intangible wealth in favor of its material goods. being born with the is-that-all-there-is gene frustrates and depresses them because after success comes the realization that life is meaningless without joy. argue if you dare. capricorns don't like to lose and will keep coming back for more until they triumph or you throw up your hands in surrender. prove one wrong and expect a midnight phone call stating another counterpoint.
||TOP||
AQUARIUS
Next to scorpio, more aquarians check in and out of the local nut farm than any other sign. personality disorder was coined for the aquarian head case.
Aquarius is dual-ruled by uranus and saturn. uranus, the planet of abrupt change, brings revolution. saturn, the planet of dogma and repression, indicates the status quo. in aquarius these two heavy hitters create an unpredictable personality torn between creating change and craving security. water bearers try to force the world to change around them in order to create an illusion of nonconformity. in reality, they fear change.
Aquarians are aloof, not passionate. this is because they fear that introspection will reveal that they really don't have all the answers. aquarians chase the future instead of living in the present. being born without the self-analysis gene has created a schism between having a keen judgment about others but little understanding of themselves. disagree with the aquarian version of truth, and risk never seeing them again. prove that they are as self deluded as the rest of us, and they will shatter like the thinnest glass.
||TOP||
PISCES
Neptune, the god of illusion, rules pisces and bestows a naive, escapist personality. fish walk through life with tunnel vision and a pair of blinders for good measure. every action is filtered through the pisces version of cheesecloth. any nasty lumps of truth are simply caught and disposed of. this makes pisces loser-magnets. they smell like free lunch and gas money. fish get dumped on more than any other sign. but that's ok with them because it's the only time anyone notices them. they tolerate everything, because they can't figure out how to do anything about it.
Fish are resistant, not realistic. the fear of change grounds pisces. it negates their creativity and ability to follow their dreams to a successful conclusion. pisces prefer the status quo, even if it's detrimental, to risking the unknown. being born without the i-deserve-it gene has left them at the mercy of their own escapist nature. argue your point and the fish slips into a state of rote agreement. prove your argument and pisces simply retreats into a convenient world of fantasy.
||TOP||